The relationship we have with our bodies cannot be separated from all we believe about being alive, from the foundation on which every other thing in our lives is built; relationships with ourselves, with others, money, work, love, death. When the basic foundation is understood directly, living takes on a kind of effortlessness and grace. This kind of ease and knowing is available to everyone.

Let life be a journey. Start right where you are because there is nowhere else to start. Yoga allows us to transcend the world of appearances and shed light on what is happening beneath the surface. Everyday life is not apart from this process; it is actually part of it. Raising children, working, being angry, being sad, washing the dishes are all a part of it. We cannot separate who we are from the way we take care of and treat ourselves in our everyday lives.

Through yoga, I have learned that no feeling or situation is unworkable, not heartbreak, not grief, not disappointment, not sadness, not loneliness, not anger. Anything can be felt, sensed, worked through.

Through yoga, I have learned how to strengthen my body and make it more relaxed and open. I have learned how to sit comfortably and how to go upside down.

My overall posture is improved. My asthma that I have struggled with since I was a child is almost non-existent.

In addition to the physical, in yoga I have learned that beating myself up because I’m not perfect doesn’t work. Embracing the qualities of curiosity and openness make me much happier than control and fear. Yoga is not mental, not psychological, not emotional, yet is all of these and more. It is a bridge to your own guidance and presence.

Go to your yoga mat.  One taste of this direct knowing and nothing can ever be the same.

Ghost Girl

Things pass.

Right now, I don’t feel like taking a shower or changing into fresh clothes (and believe me when I tell you-I’ve got drawers full of yoga pants to choose from.)

Instead I want to do nothing-scroll Facebook and eat toast. Something buttery and crunchy. Drink wine. Too much.

Two days ago I stopped the wine for this very reason or maybe because I left my purse around the chair in a bar and had to go back the next day for it. There was a note on my bag. “Save for Matt’s wife. ” I am nameless.

This has been building up since I got back from Ana. But it was also happening before I went.

Am I tired? Am I overwhelmed? Am I depressed? I ask myself these questions and don’t get a clear answer.

My yoga mat is getting harder and harder to get to.

I feel like something is fading.

I saw a group photo from Ana Forrest and my face didn’t register. I mean it didn’t register in the photo. I couldn’t tag myself because the photo didn’t record me as being part of the group.

A ghost girl, I thought.  You can put your hand through me and reach to the other side.

I write this not to draw your pity. That would kill me even more but because I want to tell you this is true and sometimes normal. I know I am not alone.

I taught a yoga and body image workshop this past weekend. It was awesome, not because we suffer but because we came to the knowing-what we share is human-not feeling enough, feeling uncomfortable, feeling inadequate, sad, fat, awful, or whatever.

Suffering happens. Its a wave. I’ll ride it.

Because when I name it and not fight it, I will eventually come to shore, the other side.

And there is another side.

I write this to serve. To spread being human and sensitive and alive and all that goes with it. So you know you are not alone. I am not alone. I feel you.

Today I will make myself shower.